Learning how to stand up

Jerry passed away two years ago. I had my grief period. He was at home until his last three weeks on earth.

I had been told the areas of grief, I just didn't think I would be so mad. But this last October to January I was extremely mad about some of the things he did--or didn't do--for me, and for the kids.

And then I realized that I was more mad at myself for not speaking up for myself and for the kids. It's not like he would be abusive, he just worked all the time.

He had a list every day of before breakfast things to do, after breakfast things to do, after lunch things to do, and after supper things to do. And none of it would include the kids or me. I did get tired of that and figured out a way to make him change his mind a little.

When the first STAR WARS came out we were living in Great Yarmouth England. The kids wanted to go see that movie and so did I.

I asked him at breakfast if he would take us to the movie that night and he said no because that kinda movie was not real like the westerns are. I didn't say anything else about it.

We had a really good supper--if I remember right it was steak, mashed potato, macaroni and cheese and ice cream for dessert. He was happy

I went and changed my clothes and the kids came down the stairs.

I asked him if he wanted to go with us to the movie and he said "no".

I got the car keys and said "we'll see you when it's over".

"What  do you mean?"

I said, "I told the kids we were going tonight and you can go with us if you want to."

He got up, combed his hair and off we went. He really enjoyed that movie.

No screaming or making him feel bad, just a little assertiveness.

Works most every time.

When I remembered that I realized that I had been only thinking about when we first married and I was just the "little wife". Did what he said and put up with his workaholic ways.

And then I learned how I could be myself and still spoil him rotten.

More Tomorrow